Create Your Way Through Anxiety

Anxiety is the handmaiden of creativity. - Chuck Jones (apparently not T.S. Eliot)

So clearly this is not a new concept, but it's a concept that I personally experienced in a big way a few weeks ago. And I'm telling all my fellow overactive, anxious minds out there - it is powerful.

Coming off of a long period (let's face it, most of my life) of being hypervigilant, high achieving, and feeling like I'm responsible for everything and everyone around me, it is not that uncommon that I wake up and immediately start racing thoughts through my head. Some of it doesn't even make sense, my brain is just looking for things to process. However, these moments can be full of amazing creative ideas and insights. I've had a lot of these moments over the past few years while trying to finish my PhD and sift through relationship challenges, and I've captured them all over the place as voice notes, written notes, little sketches that are awful because I can't draw, or however else makes the most sense. I'm actually really excited to share some of them with you on this platform because for so many years, I've just let those ideas sit and gather dust, half formed and lifeless, waiting for me to breathe them into existence and form. Those idea babies need me! Or to put it more accurately, I need them.

Because those moments of creative inspiration that come from anxious energy, they are such a gift. And what's more, if you roll with them, they actually transmute your anxious energy into something so alive - the numbness you can feel when you're just buzzing all fades into this clear, calm, energetic force to be reckoned with. It's kind of like raw anxiety is the feeling of, "I drank WAY too much caffeine and am shaking but tired," but riding the creative wave is like the rush you get when you're completely in your element and doing something you love. For me, it's dancing or singing - I could do either of those activities all day long regardless of how tired I am because the more I do it, the more myself I feel. And that's exactly it. You're tapping into the raw youness that is surging underneath that anxiety, and it's a glorious feeling.

So, back to the example I was going to give you before I wrote all those extra words you read to get here. Because I got energized by the writing! Another example right there. Anyway, a couple of weeks ago I was experiencing some peak anxiety because I decided to give up TV among other things (more to come on the transformative experience and reasoning behind that journey, otherwise I'll never get to the point). I was laying in bed after just waking up on a Saturday morning, my first Saturday with no TV and nothing to do all day but just hang out with myself. I had no reason for it, but my body instantly flooded with anxiety. My brain was already cycling some nonsense, so I decided to do some deep breathing and start cycling something useful - "I'm safe. I'm here. I'm choosing this moment."

So I'm cycling this mantra, and slowly it morphs to, "I'm safe. I'm here in this moment. I'm choosing me." And I thought, "I like that, I'm choosing me feels good." So I kept cycling that thought, and I almost always have a song stuck in my head too, so they just kind of meshed together into a totally new melody and lyrics. I sang a little into my phone, and then I was immediately up and scribbling down lyrics. Within an hour, I had a full song with multiple verses, a chorus, a bridge, and an inspirational melody that timed out at about 5 minutes long. I look forward to sharing it with you all when I can figure out how to get some music behind it to match what I'm hearing - maybe that's a task for AI, but I want the singing, melody, and lyrics to all stay pure and my creation. I just don't know enough piano yet to play it out myself.

What's even cooler is that this song has become a personal anthem. I sing it to myself almost daily, and I do that strategically for a few reasons:

• Your body responds to your own voice. Whether you're saying things out loud to yourself, recording your own guided meditations on your phone, or singing to yourself, you are literally embodying what you say in real time.

• Singing makes the integration even stronger. Singing activates your vagus nerve, the nerve that immediately calms your nervous system. You're controlling your breath, vibrating your vagus nerve, and singing yourself a new program with positive messaging written for you by you.

• The emotion behind it supercharges the effects. When you wrote this song, you wrote it from the creative well of your anxiety. That is pure power right there. Your body will feel and remember how you transmuted anxiety into empowerment, and that sensation combined with your presumably kickass lyrics will act like a bolt of lightning charging you up and solidifying the message you want to send to yourself deep within you.

I assure you that this isn't just theoretical, this is neuroscience at work. And it's just one creative outlet you can use to befriend your anxiety and embrace the gifts it's giving you. Because it is full of intuition, creation, and an infinite supply of grounded energy if you know how to use it. And that's what this space is for me - hopefully it can help you too.

Express yourself! - Dr. Dre (yes, Madonna first)